The past four days has been really, really tough. I'm not writing this blog post for sympathy or accolades. I am writing this because we within the church have to do better. Instead of victimizing an abuse survivor all over again we need to be the balm of Gilead for them.
On Thursday not meaning to watch I turned on the TV and found myself unable to look away from Christine Blasey Ford as she testified to the Judiciary Committee regarding Brett Kavanaugh's assault of her when they were teens.
Within a few seconds I was eleven again, seventeen, and an adult woman. I could see everything clearly and I felt everything as though I was experiencing it for the first time.
When I posted on Facebook saying before you judge Christine Blasey Ford think about your daughters, mothers, sisters, nieces, female cousins, anyone in your close circle of friends. Because I guarantee one of them has experienced this horror.
It didn't take very long for believers to come out of the woodwork and instead of being compassionate they were down right mean. It quickly became a Democrat vs. Republican issue. Which made me want to go through the computer screen and strangle someone. I received more compassion and kindness from non-believers and that is really very sad.
What is it about Christian's that they don't have one ounce of compassion running through their veins? We are called to be like Jesus but we're not being that to anyone we don't identify or understand. And if that isn't bad enough we don't even try. It's like we're afraid to hear the ugly, messy, details and we give platitudes. We pull scripture completely out of context which causes shame instead of encourages or comforts and makes it worse. It's like being at a funeral and instead of extending a hug or just being we say "well they're better off, they're with Jesus." That doesn't comfort anyone, but we feel we're supposed to say something and that's usually what comes to mind first. What's wrong with us that we can't just be?
Just once I'd like a Christian to say "I don't understand. I've never experienced this, and I am so sorry that you have. Let me know what I can do to help it not be so painful right now." Being honest, saying you don't understand, and that you want to help goes a long, long way. It's sad that the people that said these things to me the most these last four days don't claim to be believers.
So, now what, right?
Listen, and not to respond but truly hear. Hug, and as Beth Moore said in an article this weekend, be a warm blanket to someone who is cold. That's what Christ meant in Matthew 25:34-40 when He said
34 “Then the King will say to those on His right, ‘Come, you who are blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. 35 For I was hungry, and you gave Me something to eat; I was thirsty, and you gave Me something to drink; I was a stranger, and you invited Me in; 36 naked, and you clothed Me; I was sick, and you visited Me; I was in prison, and you came to Me.’ 37 Then the righteous will answer Him, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, and feed You, or thirsty, and give You something to drink? 38 And when did we see You a stranger, and invite You in, or naked, and clothe You? 39 When did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?’ 40 The King will answer and say to them, ‘Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me.’ NASB
Mary E DeMuth who is one of my absolutely favorite people, has written a blog post on what not to say to abuse survivors. It is a wonderful read and I highly recommend it! You can read it here.
One more thing I want to add. Abuse survivors need support from strong, honorable, men. They need men to say this was wrong, how can I show you I'm safe and trustworthy? We all know they exist, but as an abuse survivor hearing my honorable husband ask me what did I need, how could he show me I was safe meant the world and truly helped me process all the worthless feelings I was enduring these last few days.
Feel free to comment, but be respectful. I will remove any hateful responses.
No comments:
Post a Comment