The Way We Were - Remembering the Laughter

I don't usually review movies, and definitely not one that is forty-five years old, but I'm making an exception on this one.

First, it is my absolutely favorite movie, and it was before I divorced my first husband in 2008. Since my divorce in 2008 I can completely identify with the movie.

I know a few things now that I didn't as a young nineteen year old woman. My former husband didn't want to join the Navy, he did it because it was a life I knew. He never wanted to leave Colorado either. He did both of those things because he loved me. Things I know now but didn't see then. Or even when we divorced in 08.

Second, it not only introduced me to Robert Redford, but Barbara Streisand's voice. I can remember singing the theme song in my bedroom with a hair brush as my microphone. I was determined to become the next Barbara Streisand. Which of course didn't happen, but it's a fun memory. 

Which brings me to why this movie touches my heart the way it does. The lyrics to the theme song, and the struggle both Hubbell and Katie go through really show how two people can love each other but don't belong together.

They are as different as night and day. He's the hunky athlete and she's the political activist nerd. They mix like oil and water. And if you've been married and divorced or really struggled in your marriage you can probably identify as I can. The differences between you two are probably a neon flashing light. At least for me they are.

In this special edition there is a documentary about the making of the movie, interviews with  Marvin Hamlisch, Barbara Streisand and others involved in making the movie. As well as producer Ray Stark, and director Sydney Pollack.

In the documentary Ray Stark says he's never been able to figure out how this movie resonates with so many people even though they've seen it over and over again.

I'm going to answer that question, at least from my point of view. 

I believe that the reason so many people relate to this movie is because more marriages end in divorce these days than in the 1940's as well as realizing that they love each other but they don't like each other. I've found that it's easier to be happy for my former husband from a distance instead of a day to day basis.

Hubbell loves Katie. He admires her strength, integrity, character, and is even captivated by it, but he wants to enjoy life without looking for a cause to fight around every corner. His true love for Katie, which we see at the end of the picture hasn't died, he is just able to see that he could support her from afar rather than up close and personal. 

We also see how Hubbell's friend J.J.'s opinion of Katie change in the movie. At the beginning, J.J., Hubbell's best friend teases Katie when they were in college together. Yet as both of their marriages are on the rocks he tells Hubbell "it's not like losing somebody, like Katie, that would be a loss." We see how Hubbell thinks about his comment and it effects him strongly. I actually believe he was thinking about staying with Katie. 

Katie on the other hand is completely captivated by Hubbell. At the beginning she's ironing his uniform after he spends the night at her place and when Hubbell sees her doing that he tells her she doesn't have to she reply's "oh, I like to iron." She even tells him she likes snoring. As you watch the movie with more of a detailed eye you see that she basically has a crush on him. I do believe she deeply loved him.

He's the hunky jock we all pined after in high school/college but didn't date and had we married them it probably wouldn't have worked either. Because marrying for superficial reasons don't a good marriage make. I'm not saying your husband can't be handsome and sexy or your wife beautiful and sexy I'm just saying that not looking at the entire picture of who that person is and not knowing them completely will affect the entire relationship. 

Katie just wants Hubbell to see that she just can't walk away from supporting the underdog, which she relates too because at one time she was one.

Bottom line for both of them. Hubbell wants Katie to balance her activism with enjoying life. Katie wants Hubbell to understand that she isn't made to walk away.

In one of the deleted scenes, see the video below, Katie becomes like a task master driving Hubbell to write when he wants to take a break. Her intentions are good, but it's like she has become his mother instead of his girlfriend/wife.

I really wish they would of kept the deleted scene with Katie driving through UCLA and seeing the young protester, I think that would have given more clarity to the reason they split even though I knew it was because of her determination to support the underdog not because he slept with Carol Anne one night.

For me, my personal bottom line is . . .

After you spend 23 years with a person, and for me that was more years than I was alive when I married him, you have both good and bad. And at times the bad can out weigh the good, unless you choose to remember the laughter instead of the pain. 

Focusing on the laughter makes the painful times less painful. Even seeing old pictures reminds me that there were good times, we were in love, and happy. And I want my daughter's to remember the good times too, because it's too easy to focus on the bad. Those bad memories have a way of taking up a lot of space in our head because satan loves to play on that and I refuse to give him that power. 

Memories light the corners of my mind

Misty water-colored memories of the way we were

Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind

Smiles we gave to one another for the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then

Or has time rewritten every line

If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me would we? - I've always wondered if I'd do it all over again knowing what I know now. In my heart of hearts I think I would because I'd be missing out on seven amazing people if I didn't.

Could we?

Memories may be beautiful and yet

What's too painful to remember we simply choose to forget - I wish my subconscious would forget as easily as it remembers.

So it's the laughter we will remember - YES!!!! This is my entire reason for this lengthy post. 

Remembering the laughter. Allowing God to take away the painful stuff. Even if you're walking a rocky road in your relationship right now focus on the happy times, the smiles you gave or give each other, the simple things. Hang onto those memories because they may just be what gets you through the next few days, weeks, months, or even years. When I look at pictures from my first wedding I no longer cry. It's a fond memory because I honestly loved him. I may not have had as much fun during that wedding as I did when I married my husband now, but I loved him, I wanted to be his wife, and I was proud to be called Mrs. Kent Johnson.

My oldest daughter said a really profound thing to me one day. "Mom, if you change one thing about your story you change ours. And I kinda like mine, I'm a stronger woman because of it so I'm glad your story is what it is." - Stefani Alvarado

I try to remember that when those painful memories begin to eek their way into my consciousness. 

Whenever we remember

The way we were