Open Adoption, Open Heart
The world of adoption has changed dramatically over the past
twenty years. No longer do biological parents have to say goodbye to their
child forever. They now have more options when deciding the type of adoption to
pursue, such as open adoption. Open adoption creates the opportunity for a
special relationship between biological parents, the adoptive parents, and the
child.
Open Adoption, Open Heart is an inspiring and true
story, which takes the reader deeper into the feelings and emotions experienced
by adoptive parents. As you read this incredible story, you will experience the
joys, difficulties, and amazing victories facing adoptive couples. Russell and
his wife, Jammie, invite you to share in their inspiring and heartwarming
journey.
Purchase
Book Trailer:
From the Author: While my book's
primary audience was thought to be those hoping to adopt, close to half of the
books I've sold are simply people who want to read about our story and how
adoption is different now than it used to be- and they have not adopted nor do
they plan to adopt.
About
the Author:
Russell Elkins was born on Andrews Air Force Base near
Washington, D.C., in the fall of 1977. Along with his five siblings, he and his
military family moved around a lot, living in eight different houses by the time
he left for college at age 17. Although his family movedaway from Fallon,
Nevada, just a few months after he moved out, he still considers that little
oasis in the desert to be his childhood hometown. He and his family now live in
the Boise, Idaho area.
Russell has always been a family man at heart, looking
forward to the day when he could be a husband and a father. It took him a
little while, but eventually his eyes locked onto a beautiful blonde, and he
has never looked away. Russell and Jammie were married in 2004. Years of
struggling with infertility left Russell and Jammie with a decision to make and
their lives changed dramatically when they decided to adopt.
Russell and Jammie have adopted two beautiful children, Ira
and Hazel, and have embraced their role as parents through open adoption. Both
are actively engaged in the adoption community by communicating through social
media, taking part in discussion panels, and writing songs about adoption.
Russell also writes a weekly post for Adoption.com and contributes regularly to
Adoption Voices Magazine.
Links
Tour Giveaway:
$25 Amazon Gift Card or Paypal Cash from Author Russell
Elkins
Ends 12/23/12
Open to
anyone who can legally enter, receive and use an Amazon.com Gift Code or Paypal
Cash. Winning Entry will be verified prior to prize being awarded. No purchase
necessary. You must be 18 or older to enter or have your parent's permission.
The winner will be chosen by rafflecopter and announced here as well as emailed
and will have 48 hours to respond or a new winner will be chosen. This giveaway
is in no way associated with Facebook, Twitter, Rafflecopter or any other
entity unless otherwise specified. The number of eligible entries received
determines the odds of winning. VOID WHERE PROHIBITED BY
LAW.
Blog Tour Schedule: http://iamareadernotawriter.blogspot.com/2012/10/open-heart-open-adoption-blog-tour.html
My Interview With Russell
Hi Russell,
I am going to preface my questions with the following. I am adopted, my
adoption was in 1966, I always knew I was adopted it was never hidden
from my brother and I. I have gone through a divorce and my youngest
daughter was pregnant in her senior year of high school, and considered
adoption, so I understand the process from the birth mother’s side as
well as an adoptee.
1. Was
your choice to have an open adoption with the birth mother your way to
“seal” the deal . . . to insure you would be guaranteed the adoption
would go through?
Not
at all. The one thing that makes me saddest when I look at other
people's adoptions is when they make promises that aren't from their
heart. That only causes problems. Adoptions, especially when they're as
open as ours and we communicate so often- they're not easy. I know you
know that since you've been such a big part of the adoption world. We
love love LOVE our children's birth parents. We would be sad if they
decided to close the door between us, just like they would be sad if we
closed the door on them. We think it will be healthy for our children to
have that connection, never having to wonder about their past. They'll
be able to see firsthand that they were placed for adoption out of love.
2. I
have read 50% of your book and you use the phrase “adoptive” parents.
Once the adoption is complete you are the parents . . . or do you not
see yourself that way?
I
use the term "adoptive parents" only when I'm talking in context to
distinguish us from the birth parents. Ira is my son. I am his dad, his
parent, etc. I only use that qualifier when the context could be
confusing otherwise. So, no- we do not call ourselves "adoptive parents"
very often, just like I never ever refer to my son as my "adopted son".
He is my son. I am his dad.
3. Have
you and your wife thought about how much contact the birth mother will
have as your child gets older, into his teen years? For example my 4
year old granddaughter just told her mother that she wasn’t nice and she
didn’t like her, that she liked Nana better. How would you deal with
something like that coming from a teen?
We
are doing our very best to pave that road between their biological side
and our own family. We want that road smoothed out as much as possible
now. My 2 kids are still pretty young (we have adopted a second time
since Open Adoption, Open Heart was written) and they don't understand
what adoption means yet. When they do understand the dynamics, we'll
hand the keys over to them. We want to them to feel that love, but it
will be their decision about how to run that relationship. It's
something unique in life that most people can't directly relate to
because they've never been there. Right now we have great communication
and there's a lot of love. The birth parents don't try to overstep their
bounds and we respect them as well. Right now this adoption has mostly
been between us adults, but ultimately this is my son's adoption (and my
daughter's for our second adoption) and he'll be running his own show
once he's old enough to understand.
4. In
regards to question number 3, have you and your wife thought about how
having an open adoption with the mother of your child makes it hard for
her not to have a clean break and not heal?
Trust
me, we've thought about that A LOT. We used to worry about it with
Brianna (first adoption) a lot more than we do now. We just make sure to
have the best communication we can with her. She's pretty good at being
open and honest with us. There are times when she needs to pull away,
and we let her. There are times when she needs to draw close, and we let
her. We just want to give her the tools she needs to heal and she's
always been very kind in her words about thanking us for our flexibility
with it. She's done the same for us. There have been times when we've
needed more space and she's given it to us. It hasn't always been easy,
but we're a good team. We do this together. We have found the balance
that's best for everybody and it's not the same balance we are finding
with our second adoption even though that adoption is amazing as well.
5. Before choosing open adoption did you talk to other families who had also chosen open adoption who had adult children?
We
went to discussion panels and made friends with adoptive couples as
well as birth parents. We did our homework. That's very VERY important.
That's why I wrote Open Adoption, Open Heart the way I did, because
there were still a lot of things we didn't anticipate emotionally. The
idea of the book is to come as close to living through the situation
yourself without actually going through it. That way, people can know a
little bit what to expect. Not everyone is going to feel the same way we
did in each situation, but I wrote it in a way of hoping people would
read it and put themselves in our shoes thinking, "what would I do, and
how would I feel?"
6. How much parenting input does the birth mother have?
Honestly,
close to none. That goes for both of our adoptions. They don't make any
requests like "put them in preschool at age 3" or "to spank or not to
spank." All those decisions are ours. They know we are the ones in
charge of those things and they don't try to- or even want to take that
away from us. It would be difficult to keep contact as open as we do if
they were trying to take over the role as parents when they came over to
visit.
(Thanks so much for doing this interview and for reading my book! I'm
always excited to get to meet new people in the adoption world. If you
ever want to tell your adoption experiences, contact me at RussellElkins.com )
My Thoughts:
As a child of adoption whose adoption was private, I am not a huge fan of open adoption. I think it poses a huge issue for the parents and puts them in a no win situation. I know for myself when my parents were doing their job had I known who my birth parents were at that point I would've been out the door like a shot.
Russell tells a beautiful story of the adoption of his son and I don't have to agree with Open Adoption to be touched by someone giving up their child to a couple who can't have one.
This is a great book to not only read if you are looking at Open Adoption, it is a touching story of what a family experiences.
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