Today is my birth mother's birthday, she would have been 68. She passed six years ago, just five days before my birthday in 2013. I will never be able to repay her self sacrifice as a fourteen year old girl who had been raped to choose life for me instead of ending it like her mother wanted.
I located her and my younger siblings some time in 1992, I was pregnant with my youngest child and I felt an instant connection with all of them. Time and distance affected our ability to stay in touch. I do wish I had reconnected with her prior to her passing so I would've been able to meet her face to face and make sure she knew how much I loved her, and thankful I was for her gift to me.
I have to thank my siblings, Nikki and Tracy, for telling me how much she loved me, was concerned about me, wanted me to be happy, but most of all how every January 19th they celebrated my birthday.
Being adopted comes with it's pluses and minuses. For me as a pre-teen/teen there was a desire to know the woman who gave me life, and my story of conception to fill an empty hole. Finding out the trauma she'd endured was horrible. Yet, it showed me what a strong and self-less woman she was.
I thought once I knew those things the hole would be filled, and it was, until I found out she'd passed and what was once filled was now empty again. Last Mother's Day was the beginning of missing her all over again. Not because I don't have a mom to celebrate, I do, in fact her birthday is tomorrow, pretty ironic, huh? However, I will never stop missing Angelina, who I lovingly refer to as mama, she will always have a place in my heart. And I will forever be grateful for her love, sacrifice, and not being ashamed of me.
My baby sister, Tracy told me today that her heart was so big that she's probably up in heaven making someone a birthday cake instead of accepting one herself. I can actually picture that, and what a beautiful picture to think about on a day we should be making one for her.
Happy Birthday, Mama! I hope you let someone bake you a cake in heaven but I know you're probably happier making one for someone else.
I love you and miss you!!
1 comment:
What a sweet post. It sounds like Angelina was a lovely person who was brave in the face of adversity. Glad that you could meet her and get to know her before she passed.
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