Tuesday, June 18, 2013

The Bachelorette - Des Style - Week 4

The show starts with a plane taking off, a group of guys walking in the street hyped up because they are going to Atlantic City. We have a pier with a ferris wheel, a water slide, and another amusement park ride.
As the kisses begin, Des says she wants a love that can light the darkness. There’s lots of kissing going on, a beautiful sand castle on the beach, boardwalk games.

Des takes one of the bachelors to where hurricane Sandy ripped New Jersey apart, and he is teary, and feels it has created a bond between them.

The group date is a men’s version of Miss America. This will be completely hilarious.
Once again there is an issue with Ben. Brydon feels it is his place to tell Des about why he’s not liked. Cue, you’re not getting a rose dude!

Des is so cute. She is so hopeful and believes her husband is among these guys.

WOW! The guys’ pad is super sweet!

One on one goes to Brad. Cue in naked Texas Zak, who has to bad mouth anyone who gets a date that isn’t him. The guys watch in complete jealousy from their balcony, how much more Jr. High can you be?! And then naked Zak, is whining about driving himself a little crazy. Then mind your own business, dork! It’s not your date!
Des is having a great time on the rides, and playing games on the boardwalk.  That’s what a good date is all about, huh, having fun!
Brad and Des get to the beach and there is a beautiful, huge sandcastle for them.
At dinner it’s a snooze fest. Brad is hardly speaking, and with all the guys griping about time with her, you’d think he’d talk . . . uh NO . . it’s like pulling teeth to get him to say anything.
They walk up to the top of the lighthouse where they had dinner, and again Des is doing all the talking.
Des, wake up! If there is no conversation then he is probably not worth it! She does and she regretfully tells him that she can’t give him the rose. BUH-BYE Brad!
As he leaves he goes on about opening himself up, coming here for his son, etc. Weepy, weepy, weepy. Seriously, if you opened yourself up, Des wouldn’t have been pulling conversation out of you.

Date card arrives, and Brydon takes it upon himself to collect it and read it.

It’s a group date, and the players are:
Brydon –  military dude.
Zak K . . . not naked dude.
Drew . . . Jake’s mini-me
Juan Pablo
Zak W . . . naked Texas dude.
Mikey. . .  Mr. I’m the stud – UGH!
Ben . . . the hated dude!
Michael . . . the one who has diabetes.

James gets the next one on one. Not sure what I think about him.

On to the group date – Mr. America Pageant.

Cue the song . . . There She Goes by Manfred Mann and who has to get to her first, Mr. Complains a lot, AKA naked Texas Zak. I tell you if it were me he’d have lost his gonads by now.  She hugs Brooks next, he always just stays in the background, but is visible when he needs to be. She tells the guys that they are at Boardwalk Hall, which is a historic building, and she’s got something fun planned for them. We’ll see what they think. LOL
Once they get inside Chris tells them that they will be competing in their own Mr. America pageant.
Michael is thrilled, he always dreamed of being Mr. America and now’s his chance.
Miss America is there and she is telling them they will be judged on their interview, talent or lack there of. Chris says he knows they have no idea about pageants so there is help, of course from Miss America, and world famous pageant coach Christopher Dean.  He tells the guys that they are going to go and explore what talent they have. On a table you can see a guitar, a baton, a ribbon for ribbon gymnastics.
Juan Pablo takes the baton while the other guys are looking and he tosses it great!
Naked Texas Zak takes the guitar and believes he will write the best serenade for Des.
Miss America begins talking to the guys about their interview questions; they are surprised at how hard they are. Clearly, if they have watched the Ms. America pageant it’s been for the swimsuit competition.
Christopher Dean tells the guys there is one more category and it is the swimsuit, saying it wouldn’t be a Ms. America pageant without it.
Funnily, the swimsuits are assigned.  Jake’s mini-me, Drew is hoping his name is not on a Speedo. I’m laughing!
Ben gets a Speedo, and says it is way too small.
The guys find out that this will be done in front of a live audience.

Interview questions:
Kasey – is asked are you a giver or a taker in a relationship?  He says he is a giver, a romantic guy, and so he likes to give, and he thinks if both people give it works. Huge round of applause.
Naked Texas Zak – is asked if he would be water or fire, which would you be and why? I want to throw up at his answer. He says fire, he says this knowing that whoever you are with it is your responsibility to fuel her fire. Seriously dude, did you get that out of Relationships for Dummies, because I know you didn’t come up with it.
Brooks – is asked by Des, if you were an animal in the wild what would you be and why? With no thinking he says a lion, king of the jungle.
Chris – is asked what relationship skills do you feel you need to improve on? I’d say communication, because he was fumbling all over the place.
Juan Pablo – is asked, explain your ideal woman? HELLO???? Daughter. You have a kid. Not exactly the way you let someone know you have a kid.
Mikey – is asked what is something that most women don’t understand about men and why not? He says most women see men as their bodies, as meatheads  . . . really dude! He goes on to say that women don’t see their insides that they cry inside, that they like long walks on the beach. As he goes on with emotional prattle, the guys are cracking up backstage.
Kasey – Kasey tells some crazy story about nailing staples to his shoes and going outside as a kid to tap . . . then he tap dances. It was ridiculous.
Mikey – comes out and does a pelvic thrust, takes off his shirt, and does a handstand. He doesn’t want to be looked at for only his “bod” yet that is what he just showed. He will now be known as Meathead.
Brooks – has a ukulele and sings a song, and smashes the ukulele  . . . watch out Pete Townsand!
Drew, Jake’s mini-me – reads Shakespeare.
Chris – twirls hula hoops in high heels on his arms.
Brydon -  slides out and does a pelvic thrust dance move, it is not pretty. Brydon, stick to the Army!
Naked Texas Zak – plays the guitar, and sings a song. He may have some talent after all besides walking around with no clothes on.
Bring on the swimsuits:
Drew, Jake’s mini-me is up first, he’s in board shorts, and does an okay strut.
Mikey AKA Meathead is also wearing board shorts, and comes out like he’s going to break into Magic Mike. Oh, puhlease don’t!
Brooks – wearing board shorts, came out and had a great strut, and was funny!
Ben – in the Speedo, that he is not happy about hardly strutted.

I am rolling! The guys come out and string across the stage and they hold hands.
2nd Runner up is Brooks
1st  Runner up is Naked Texas Zak.
The winner of the first Bachelorette Mr. America is Kasey.  Really???  And he covers his face with his hands like he’s going to cry. All the guys high five him, a king’s crown is put on him and he’s given roses. This is too stinkin’ funny!!!!
Brooks was a better choice.
Naked Texas Zak is complaining. Please can he leave soon, he whines like a two year old!

At the pool party, Chris pulls Des aside and tells her he writes poetry, he wants her to see the serious side of her. Kinda strange to read poetry on a group date, and in the pool, but when you want to stand out as a candidate that’s what you do. He’s not one of my faves.
Des apparently was impressed, because she kissed him.
Inside the guys are quibbling about the rose. Here we go again, whining about Ben. Guys, concentrate on building a relationship not who else is. That is annoying!
While Ben doesn’t seem to be popular, I have to agree with him, he’s not there to be buddies with the guys; he is there to have a relationship with Des.
When Des and Ben go to the pool, the growling begins from the seating area. Ben couldn’t do anything right by these dudes if he was saving her from falling off a building. They’d still hate him. He shows her a necklace with his son’s thumb print.
Brooks can’t handle it any more, so he says “I’m Out” and leaves and the guys follow.

Oh my goodness! James is preparing for his one on one. He talks about having the penthouse to himself, being able to relax, and he gets into a bubble bath eating chocolate covered strawberries. Really?!?!?!? Are we a manly man??? Me thinks not!

Back at the pool party, Naked Texas Zak sings the rest of the song he had sang in the talent show. And the rose goes to Naked Texas Zak. UGH!

James and Des leave for their date, and meet Jackie from the American Red Cross. Des says that instead of an extravagant date, this will be different; they will be touring the Jersey shore to see the damage from hurricane Sandy. As they fly over, Jackie describes how the waves were crushing the buildings and homes.
James is really struck by the devastation. A roller coaster is in the water, as James says, it use to be a sign of joy, there is a flag on the top that represents hope.
James goes on saying that this created a bond with Des.
Out of the helicopter and walking around Seaside Heights they can feel the devastation first hand. Des says it’s like a ghost town.
They run into some locals, and they tell their story to James and Des. Manny and Jan’s story is just heart wrenching. They entered the shelter on their anniversary.
Des and James talk about it and give them their date that ABC had arranged for them. Love this! This is exactly what my hubby and I would do. James says they could just eat fast food.
Seeing Manny and Jan, on the date was so sweet.
James and Des have pizza, beer and conversation, so much better than the date with Brad. The conversation just flowed.
Jan and Manny receive a gift, it is a wedding album restored that was ruined by water. Just precious!
Part of the date was dancing to Darius Rucker. It was sweet to see them dancing and enjoying themselves after all the devastation, it was also a sweet moment for James and Des because they were selfless and gave it away.
James gets the rose he deserved it how many of the guys would’ve given up the date.

Back at the penthouse, Brydon, is complaining about how his feelings are waning and he is not sure he will accept the rose if she offers it to him. I think I hear the Army calling your name dude!
She pulls Michael away. Michael tells her why he likes her with individual letters. Corny, cheesy, but cute, and he gets a kiss!
Chris and Des talk about their family, and being comfortable around each other. And a kiss.
Brydon gets his chance with Des, and he goes on about how this is hard for him, their first date was amazing . . blah, blah, blah.
In the sitting area the guys are psychoanalyzing Brydon and Des’ conversation.

Juan Pablo, I didn’t see that one after his bomb shell of having a daughter.
Drew, Jake’s mini-me

Rut-Roh, Ben gets a rose
Des calls Brydon’s name and he just stands there, and then he goes forward and accepts the rose.
He needs to go!
Meathead gets the rose AKA Mikey.

Zak K. does not get a rose and he is very sad.

Des tells the guys that they are going to a place with castles, beer, and the men wear lederhosen.
They toast to making new memories in new cities.

Watching the previews we see that James is not here for Des, but honing himself to be the next bachelor, and Ben is a fraud and needs to be exposed.

The Mr. America out takes are hilarious with the guys cat calling each other as they practice strutting!


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