Like, or Love Your Spouse . . . Both Maybe?

Definition of friend . . .
friend

A friend is someone you love and who loves you, someone you respect and who respects you, someone whom you trust and who trusts you. A friend is honest and makes you want to be honest, too. A friend is loyal.

A friend is someone who is happy to spend time with you doing absolutely nothing at all; someone who doesn't mind driving you on stupid errands, who will get up at midnight just because you want to go on an adventure, and who doesn’t have to talk to communicate with you.

A friend is someone who not only doesn't care if you're ugly or boring, but doesn't even think about it; someone who forgives you no matter what you do, and someone who tries to help you even when they don't know how. A friend is someone who tells you if you're being stupid, but who doesn't make you feel stupid.

A friend is someone who would sacrifice their life and happiness for you. A friend is someone who will come with you when you have to do boring things like watch bad recitals, go to stuffy parties, or wait in boring lobbies. You don't even think about who's talking or who's listening in a conversation with a friend.

A friend is someone for whom you're willing to change your opinions. A friend is someone you look forward to seeing and who looks forward to seeing you: someone you like so much, it doesn't matter if you share interests or traits. A friend is someone you like so much, you start to like the things they like.

A friend is a partner, not a leader or a follower.

The word "friend" comes from Old English "frēond", which is actually the present participle of "frēogan", which means "to love" and "to honor".

If you've been following my blog for any time at all you know that due to infidelity and abuse I was divorced and am now remarried. On Thursday night two of my favorite authors did a live Facebook chat and during the conversation Julie Lessman mentioned that she liked her husband and how important it was to actually like your spouse.

When I got married in 1985, at the young age of nineteen, I didn't even think that I needed to like my husband, love him, Yes, but like...that didn't even cross my mind. I look back at twenty-three years of marriage and realize that Yes, I loved my husband, but I really didn't like him very much, which is really sad thinking about the length of twenty-three years.

Reading the definition of friend, above, it really emulates what the foundation of marriage should really be, along with God at the center. I met my husband, Mark online and we spent the first month talking on the phone, email, and even text messages. He is a good ol' country boy, and isn't very tech savvy. His profile picture was of his grand-son as a baby and I wanted to know what he looked really looked like. 😉😉 While in a private message chat, I helped him fix his profile picture. That is really how our friendship started. Even after we met face to face we made sure to foster our friendship. He is truly my best friend, the person I want to talk to about everything. 

When Mark and I get into a fight/disagreement I don't just think that I am fighting with my husband, I think he's my friend too. Being friends changes the depth of the relationship. Having a sexual (yes, I just used that word 😉😉) relationship I think can be pretty easy, but actually wanting to spend time with someone, learn about them, care about their thoughts and feelings, actually listen, not just hear to answer, takes time and effort. Especially, in our electronic, social media driven world. I'm sure you've seen what I've seen, you are going out to dinner, a couple across from you, is also out to dinner and instead of talking to each other they have their heads down and their smartphones in their hand instead of talking to each other. Don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of pulling out my smartphone too. Which is why I have decided to leave it in the car on purpose so that I don't feel so drawn to open it and see what's going on. Social media updates will still be there, but time with my husband, children, and my grandchildren are fleeting.

I've often asked myself why couples who are clearly out on a date to spend time alone with each other are staring at their phones, and not talking. I believe the answer is that maybe, just maybe they didn't form a friendship foundation, like I didn't when I married the first time. There aren't enough words to explain how different my marriage is today after only six years of marriage. It's richer, more fun, a lot of the time I feel like we're just dating instead of being married. I believe this is what God intended for marriage, not that feeling of dread, that sometimes happens, when you roll over see their face on the pillow and want to smack them silly because besides them snoring all night long there is a pile of dirty socks on the floor that you now have to pick up because they didn't get them in the basket. As my dad said earlier this week "Ain't love grand."

I would love to hear what you think, so please tell me in the comments!