Divorce Settlement Agreement! Too funny!!!!!

Monday, July 6, 2009

DIVORCE AGREEMENTTHIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxistsand Obama supporters, et al:We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know wetolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, butsadly, this relationship has run its course.Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on whatis right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk itup to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.Here is a model separation agreement:Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each takinga portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides cancome to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Ourrespective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since bothsides have such distinct and disparate tastes.We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome tothe liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll takeour firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell(You are, however,responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all threeof them).We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies,Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys,hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedyCEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right toinvade and hammer places that threaten us.. You can have the peaceniks andwar protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'llhelp provide them security.We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.. You are welcome to Islam,Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N.. butwe will no longer be paying the bill.We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can takeevery Subaru station wagon you can find.You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors.We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'llkeep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sureyou'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing,Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up povertyyour best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, ourname and our flag.Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like mindedliberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete.In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which one of us willneed whose help in 15 years.Sincerely,John J. WallLaw Student and an AmericanP.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, BarbaraStreisand, & Jane Fonda with you.P. S. S. And we won't have to press 1 for English.
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