Been a few days . . .Still not sure how I feel

Friday, January 5, 2007

It still feels like I am in this really bad dream, and I am going to wake up and Curtis is going to call me and tell me it was an early April fools gag. I'm gonna go through the phone and tell him "bad joke Cos" This all can't be happening. Two teenage girls didn't just loose a man they knew as Dad. I really want this whole week's events to stop occupying my mind, but I just can't. I am mad, then I cry. I am worried about Pam and how she is. This was her son, a child she gave birth to, and there's no explanation. Then there's Roy . . . Mr. Strong, silent type he'd never let you know, but I know it has to be killing him inside. All of this just goes round and round. And of course Craig . . .why oh why? Did he feel like he didn't measure up to some yard stick he created for himself? And if so . . . why didn't he say something? What is it with the male species that they can't talk about anything because it makes them look WEAK! Give me a friggen break! What makes you look weak is not doing anything about it, wallowing in the junk when you could actually do something about it.

I WANT AN EXPLANATION! I WANT A REASON AND A DARN GOOD ONE CUZ I DON'T HAVE A GOOD ONE! And telling me that everything happens for a reason doesn't fly here.

I promise to be nice, and kind to all of Craig's organ recipients if I should ever meet them. I won't hurt them or try to remove the organ(s) from them because I don't believe they should have them. ; ) He should still have them and be with us, and that's my pov and I am sticking to it.


Monday, January 1, 2007

I am your family too! How dare you take away my right to ever see you again, or talk to you. What about Curtis? Did you think about your brother? The person whose known you from birth, whose been there. How about your Mom? And your Dad sure in hell didn't deserve this either. He was recovering from a stroke incase you forgot! You had no right to take yourself from us! We're family, we've always been. Did you think offing yourself with a gun was going to make it better? Uh-No . . . you just made it worse! You took yourself out of the picture, and in turn created pain and heartache for the rest of the family. Now New Years will never be the same! So THANK YOU! for ruining my New Year's Eve for the rest of my life you selfish bastard!


Today starts a new year, and I am excited! I am going to start by trying this blog thing. I am a journaler, but not on the net so we'll see how it goes. I am just excited about all the awesome things that are happening in the next few weeks. Life is great and it is wonderful to be alive!
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